Saturday, July 02, 2005

Attack of the Killer Hair Clippers

If you're like me, you realize there aren't many things in the world to be feared more than a set of deranged killer hair clippers. Even in their relatively mild-mannered forms, these mechanical vampires will take on an air of total evil (like the fru-its of the dev-eel) when they catch the scent of humans. Countless times have I been minding my own business when I suddenly catch the glint of light off the clipper's open jaws before it takes a bit out of my ear, like a miniature Mike Tyson. And we've all seen the Jack@ss episodes that have documented hair clipper attacks.

After reading the previous paragraph, you are probably finding it difficult to concentrate on this while making furtive glances over your shoulder to see if the clippers are sneaking up on your blind spot. It is true that silver crosses have no impact on these vampires, and multiple attempts at psychiatric care have been fruitless. However, thanks to the wonders of modern injection molding technology, and the genii at Wahl Hair Clippers, a device has been fabricated which will provide a much-needed restraint to the untethered masses of hair clippers in their unquenchable thirst for blood. Behold, the Tamper Resistant Plug Cover!!!
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While the official literature refrains from mentioning the more gruesome hair clipper attacks, due to the potentially young readers, here is an excerpt explaining its function:
Helps prevent accidental haircuts by keeping the plug in a hard plastic case. Simply close both latch covers around the plug, making the plug tamper resistant... Caution: The tamper resistant plug cover is only a deterent.
It's obvious the writers of the manual were scared spitless by these monsters, as they spelled deterrent wrong. I should mention you should not rely exclusively on this plug cover to eliminate accidental haircuts (dang, hate it when that happens), but you should also consider storing clippers in a secure location. Like a safe, that happens to be inside of a maximum security prison. Actually, abstinence is probably the only really safe solution.

In all seriousness, I can't express how incredibly glad I am for the engineers at Wahl, who invented this life-saver. To be honest, it never would have dawned on me to put two and two together, but I am definitely sleeping easier at night (without the use of heavy sedatives).

Thend.

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